The fine print on authenticity

"Be authentic!" people say. The message, so very fitting of our kale-eating, yoga-pant-wearing times, screams at us from "lifestyle guru" tweet streams and other various social media.

From Fluffycatheven

 We like this idea. You mean... just be myself? Awesome. I always wanted to be me.

What they don't tell you is the fine print on authenticity. That you'll have to get comfortable with disapproval and hurting people's feelings and righting incorrect notions.

Source

 A few hours ago, I finished up at a work conference and packed up to leave. On the way to the exit, I ran into two coworkers on the cocktail line.

"You're not staying for happy hour??" they asked, aghast.

"No," I said.

They looked at me blankly, waiting for a proper explanation. The weight of the expectation was heavy: how could I justify not staying for happy hour? Drinks were free, for chrissake!

Source

If I were honest, I would have shared that I don't even like to drink, and that I wasn't in the mood for socializing. That I just wanted to get home. That I had 10 hours of sleep in 2 days and my stomach was twisted in knots and I wanted to be curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me watching the rain. That the noise was too much.

I didn't want to share any of that because half the time sharing truth seems to open the door to further questioning and I didn't feel like being challenged.

No, really, I don't like to drink. I don't know why. I don't want to socialize right now, no. I have enough friends, thank you, and I know how to be bubbly and friendly and appreciate the value of meeting strangers, but not right now.

Why do we have to justify ourselves so much? It's exhausting. Humans are inquisitive primates poking verbal sticks at anyone outside the norm (whether it be the norm of the moment or the year or the decade).

Yes, allow myself to explain my species. I'm from a North American subtype of middle-aged female that is missing the taste buds for alcohol. They've been replaced with ones that respond only to chocolate. No, I don't know why. It's not personal. I promise, when I don't make you feel less self-conscious by joining you in having a glass of wine that I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. Can't we just toast your drink to my brownie?

Source

Why do people need so much approval from each other? How can we be authentic if we aren't the same, but sameness is so prized? Mimicry is the highest form of flattery but difference invites curiosity, disapproval, misunderstanding. It's very vulnerable to be different amongst a herd species.

I was inauthentic yesterday too.

A friend offered a glass of wine. "No, I'll have to go home soon and I can't drive, even on one glass," I explained.

That is true, and is also simpler than adding that I don't even really like it.

I took some seltzer water.

She seemed shy at drinking alone so I offered a recent discovery I made two days ago: that chocolate wine is the BOMB. I tasted it and thought "wow, a wine I really like!" I shared this with her.

"OMG! I love it too! I have a bottle, why don't you come over some eve? We'll share it and have a great girl's night out. Oh if you can't drive... oh, we will have a sleepover! That'll be soooo much fun!"

The following horrid thoughts instantly went through my unkind head. (I said none of them.)

Source

• A whole bottle?? I mean, I said I liked that wine, and I meant it, but I still had the tiniest of servings. I had TWO shot glasses. That's huge for me, but probably not even HALF an actual real glass. I'm definitely NOT your "share a bottle of wine with" kind of gal, unless you want most of the bottle. (Which could be a very happy arrangement for the right person.)
  
• I hate sleeping at other people's houses. I shared how much I hate guest rooms before, and said it more than once. I need to be in my own bed, with the pillows just so and the temperature just right and the room especially dark with my custom room-darkening curtains. I want my husband next to me. I want to awaken to the way he grabs me and pulls me close and tells me how crazy he is about me while still half-asleep and lingering in a dream state of honeymoon bliss. I want those butterflies to linger in my belly as I curl locks of his hair around my fingers and disregard our morning breath. I want to know where the bathroom is when I wake up in the middle of the night. (I can't even find the light switch in her bathroom during the day. I'll die in there at night!) I want to sleep in my own bed.
  
• Oh and I'm allergic to cats. Just because I let them sniff my hand doesn't mean I want to spend 24 hours inhaling dander.
  
• I'm trying to lose weight, I do not want or need alcohol's empty calories!

I didn't know how to share any of this. It felt mean.

Source

It made her so happy to think about having a girl's sleepover downing that bottle of chocolate wine together. So I nodded and said it sounded like fun, someday.

Authenticity is easier in private....