Friday, December 23, 2016

Visiting

"How's the bed?"

"Fine."

(Almost said, "Don't mind the delivery from Mattress Warehouse, just have them send it right in here. G'nite!")

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Questionable food choices as revealed by rural vending machines

You see the strangest things in rural rest stations. Just passed a vending machine in North Carolina and we have:

-- Vienna sausages in a can topped with Starburst for dessert. Who put these things together? Is this a trendy culinary pairing I've somehow never heard about?

-- Giant iced honeybun which is larger than the circumference of my face and should not be attempted to eat after leaving a rest station, because the next rest station is 100 miles away and you'll need one 10 minutes after ingesting.

-- A dill pickle. I tried one in a theater once. It's a great way to make friends. It took 10 minutes just to extract it from the package (which cannot be done quietly) until it exploded like a vinegar bomb and sprayed sour pickle juice all over me and also within a 3-row radius and I still had 87 minutes of movie left. It doesn't seem like the soundest choice for a road trip, unless of course, you are alone.

-- Tuna sandwich. The only time I ever got food poisoning from a vending machine was during a terrible lapse of judgement when I was on a deadline and starving at 9pm and decided to trust a turkey snack pack. So that's never happening again.

-- Not pictured but you can eat your weight in fake Oreos for $1.25 if you so desired.

The array of choices is boundless!