Saturday, December 17, 2016

Questionable food choices as revealed by rural vending machines

You see the strangest things in rural rest stations. Just passed a vending machine in North Carolina and we have:

-- Vienna sausages in a can topped with Starburst for dessert. Who put these things together? Is this a trendy culinary pairing I've somehow never heard about?

-- Giant iced honeybun which is larger than the circumference of my face and should not be attempted to eat after leaving a rest station, because the next rest station is 100 miles away and you'll need one 10 minutes after ingesting.

-- A dill pickle. I tried one in a theater once. It's a great way to make friends. It took 10 minutes just to extract it from the package (which cannot be done quietly) until it exploded like a vinegar bomb and sprayed sour pickle juice all over me and also within a 3-row radius and I still had 87 minutes of movie left. It doesn't seem like the soundest choice for a road trip, unless of course, you are alone.

-- Tuna sandwich. The only time I ever got food poisoning from a vending machine was during a terrible lapse of judgement when I was on a deadline and starving at 9pm and decided to trust a turkey snack pack. So that's never happening again.

-- Not pictured but you can eat your weight in fake Oreos for $1.25 if you so desired.

The array of choices is boundless!