Monday, November 28, 2016

You're welcome

I'm a good friend.

Friend: I may have to get nasal surgery. Please research?

Me: Looks fine. Just make sure they don't cut too deep and let your spinal fluid out. Rare side effect. I'll send you some links.

Monday, November 14, 2016

An entry from my diary a year ago today

1. Wake before dawn.

2. Run table at craft fair.

3. Run errands on way home, arrive home spent but everything is done!

4. Discover plumbing emergency.

5. Shut off water to the house.

6. Feel proud at mad homeowner skillz. I can turn a valve!

7. Feel relieved that the sound of rushing water in wall has dissipated.

8. Calmly call warranty company.

9. Calmly call plumber #1.

10. Slightly less calmly, call plumber #2.

11. Call plumber #3.

12. DOESN'T ANYONE WORK SATURDAY NIGHT

13. Oh, right... it's Saturday night...

14. Photograph water stains in downstairs neighbor's unit that are my fault.

15. Await confirmation from whichever plumber decides to show up.

16. Decide whether to spend the evening dirty and thirsty or go to a hotel.

17. Go to hotel. Put roommates up in separate room.

18. Fight with insurance company about paying for it.

Insurance company: "We only pay for the hotel if the house is uninhabitable, like it doesn't have running water or something like that."

Me: "It _doesn't_ have running water."

Insurance company: "Right, but that's because you voluntarily turned it off."

Me: "And the other option was what? Leave it on so it could pour into my downstairs neighbor's unit all night long??"

It was a fight but they finally did pay.

A tip: insurance companies always have a weird out. Like, it was the water line to the fridge that broke. They would have covered the ice line, but not the water line, but isn't I've water first? There is no such thing as an ice line. Fine print is so weird.

Anyway. Memories!

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

It's not like I'm not going to find out!

Eye tech: "Okay put your chin here in this thing and don't blink. I have to measure something."

Me: "Is that thing going to touch my eyeball?"

Tech: "No." [Proceeds to touch eyeball.]

Why LIE? Did they think I wasn't going to notice??