Thursday, June 8, 2017

Appetizer math

"If we have ten people over, we'll need FIVE shrimp rings."

"Let's just not have ten people over."

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

This is why brownies are never brought into the office in the original serving pan.

How to make brownies, by H.:

1. Get home from work, immediately turn on oven and start assembling ingredients for tomorrow's baking contest. Decide dinner will be finished sample. Allow self to be pleased at superior problem-solving skills on reducing kitchen mess.

2. Hmm, recipe says to use flour. I don't have flour but I do have pancake mix. That's basically the same thing, right?

3. Put down whisk mid-stir, swipe phone and open FitBit app to see if stirring batter added any extra steps.

4. In moment of brilliance, decide to invent brownie crisps. Spread thin sliver of batter across pan and bake. Fantasize about owning bakery and then conglomerate and then going on Undercover Boss and gift-paying hardworking staff's tuition like the CEO lady from Cinnabon.

5. Forget to check timer. Decide that batch was *meant* to be well-done.

6. A proper cook must taste the outcome to decide whether the results are suitable. Of course.

7. Results are suitable. Cook two more pans.

8. Realize too late that although the brownies look and taste acceptable, they cannot be removed from pan. Major fail for bakery business. Scoop heaps of crumbling squares into tin and try to arrange attractively. Fantasize about burning bakery down.

9. Embrace concept of imperfection. Taste another sample to ensure quality control.

10. Done! Resist urge to label the suggested serving size as a fistful. Check FitBit to see how many steps it took to take all those pans out of the oven. Workout is done. Eat dinner. Multi-tasking win!