Sunday, September 11, 2016

10 lessons for wedding day

So, I got married!

Lessons:

1. Never try a new hairdo on your wedding day. It will suck and you will hate it and look ugly but not want to offend your BFF who painstakingly curled every strand. The photographic repercussions of your unwillingness to hurt feelings will last decades.

2. Learn which poses look good and which make you look like a walrus so you do not intermingle the two. (See #1 on photographic repercussions.)

3. It will be a huge blur and you won't talk to everyone nearly as much as you wish.

4. Check the hotel room's alarm clock to make sure it's not set for asscrack of dawn disrupting beauty sleep!!

5. Hold the handrails on the staircase and not JUST the dress.

6. People will congratulate you on life milestones and you will feel happy and overwhelmed and then sad that there won't be anymore societal milestones to check off because society doesn't care about old people and the nursing home is the next step.

7. You will order and pay for a plate of giant shrimp and then never touch them because no one eats on their wedding day.

8. All the planning will not help it be less abstract until the moment it is happening.

9. He won't even care that your hair is awful and he will tell you that you look beautiful, and you will ugly cry during the ceremony which will be
captured and uploaded to social media by countless others without having gone through your careful anti-hideous curation protocol.

10. You will have married the best person in the universe and feel like you (undeservingly, but still) won the jackpot. 💕

I'm so happy!

(Sent from my phone)

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