Thursday, December 31, 2015

Items of Significant Note for this Year

2015 has been a busy! I shall join the throngs of others who compile an annual list of accomplishments:
  • Number of loads of laundry: 730
  • Express 15 items or less checkout lanes that I successfully managed to sneak 16 items on: 32
  • Number of times I've been told I look fat in these pants: 1
  • Number of pairs of pants that have been shredded into ribbons and lit on fire: 1
  • Number of new recipes learned: 2
  • Number of which were successfully received: 1
  • Number of mandatory dental visits successfully avoided: 2
  • Number of teeth that fell out: 0 (at least this year)
  • Number of ER visits: 1
  • Number of boxes of Triscuits thrown out after it was discovered they were responsible for ER visit: 2 (Note: I do not recommend running up a flight of steps while munching the "cracked black pepper & olive oil" kind due to the risk of inhaling said black pepper and choking, causing delayed 3am esophageal spasm which turns out to conveniently mimic heart attack symptoms.)
  • Number of nice men who visited me in the ER and still liked me even after they saw ER hair: 1
  • Number of popular movies referenced by peers that I have missed: 47
  • Number of spiders seen in new home: 0.5
  •  Number of relieved sighs over the comparison in spider inventory between previous basement apartment to current upper floor unit: 1,875
  • Number of classes lined up to study relationship dynamics: 3
  • Number already taken: 1 (unless you count 475 post-divorce self-help books)
Happy New Year! My main 2016 goal is to sneak 16 items onto at least thirty-THREE express checkout lanes. I'll keep you posted.

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